Seeing as Resistentialists have been known to enjoy a glass or two, here’s some useful tips from our friends Tom Cruise and John Travolta on how to make a person sober, according to the Scientology Handbook:
There is an interesting use of Locational Processing as a way to make a person sober. It can make a drunk person sober in a very few minutes. As society currently has no technology for handling the drunk, who is an embarrassment to his family, his friends and often to himself, this process has social value and may serve as a line of cooperation and assistance to the police.
Use the command:
“Look at that_________ (room object).”
A drunk is usually considered somewhat unconfrontable and he himself certainly cannot confront. One thing he cannot confront is an empty glass. He always refills it if it is empty.
Repeat the command, each time pointing out a room object, as often as required to bring the person to sobriety. Do not get distracted into answering the frequent comment, “What object?” Just get the command carried out, acknowledge and give the next command.
Run until the person is no longer drunk.
Do not ever get angry with or strike a drunk, whatever the provocation.
This process is not intended to handle the condition of alcoholism. There are more advanced Scientology procedures that can be done to handle the conditions that caused a person to be alcoholic. But one can do a lot of good for the person and those around him by using this assist to bring him back to sobriety.
We are not particularly in the business of handling the drunk. But we are in the field of helping our fellow men. In a society where the only alternative is a night in jail and a fine, which is not desired by either the police or the intoxicated person, we can assist both and handle the situation in a matter of minutes.
Life must be so simple, if you’re that stupid…